DC

This one’s a little tricky for me. As anyone who knows me for longer than 30 seconds is aware, I have very strong feelings about this place and would never advocate for anyone to go there — at least not for long. (Two of my most frequent refrains were “the place is fine to visit, but NOT to live in” and “the place wouldn’t be half bad if it wasn’t for the people.”) That said, I lived there for 20 years (grueling as they may have been) so would be disingenuous if I made it seem like there’s nothing good that happens there — I met some amazing people there (including my wife), did some amazing things for work (which I’ll forever be proud of, regardless of what it cost/how it ended), and had plenty of high points to look back on (they just last for far shorter than anywhere else, in my experience). The below thus represents my stab at capturing some of the things I could count on to momentarily brighten my days — before that place and its incessantly destructive tendencies crept in and promptly took a sh#$ all over them, that is (another frequent refrain was “this place could fu#$ up/complicate/ruin a PB&J”). Hopefully you find them sufficient ways to spend some time if you have to pass through there — just remember, DON’T STAY! –BS

Food Halls: when done well they’re consistently one of my favorite places to visit in a town, as they offer a great variety of food and drink to suit whatever mood you’re in. (See Reading Market in Philly, Lexington Market in Baltimore, etc…) DC’s got several really good ones, the best of which also happens to be the original — Union Market.  There’s OG’s Buffalo & Bergen, which has great cocktails and housemade sodas in addition to a bevy of banging bagel sandwiches — the Breakfast Bandito (pulled pork, pickled jalapenos, avocado, and a runny egg) and the Body Count (ham, sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, cheese, and apricot jelly) being two of my go to’s, as well as any of the handmade knishes (bacon and cheddar or spinach and feta are two faves) — and Neopol, which has a bounty of great smoked products (my fave was the flaky salmon on everything with everything — tomatoes, capers, and onions with cream cheese).

There’s newcomers like Uzu (their shoyu pork is easily my favorite bowl of ramen in town, and the tonkatsu ain’t bad either) and Lucky Buns (the Hot Tiger spicy chicken sandwich fuels sweaty daydreams with its Sichaun mop and cooling ranch, and the El Jefe burger with its green chili and cotija combo is also good). There’s stalwarts like Rappahannock Oyster Co with its outstanding raw bar (get the Olde Salts) and crab cake (pricy, but the best outside of Baltimore). There’s District Fishwife and Red Apron, whose proteins can be purchased both to cook later as a meal and to eat right away (the former’s po’boys, poke, and banh mi are solid examples of the “right now” offerings — don’t sleep on their exceptional crazy fries either — while the latter’s beef and cheddar (a higher end version of the Arby’s classic), chorizo burger, and meatball sandwich (get it with extra sauce) are all fantastic — and don’t sleep on their killer duck fat fries with hunks of garlic and rosemary and their even better beer selection.) There’s the bacon sausages at Harvey’s, the samosas and Cuban sandwich from Immigrant Food, the drinks and view from the rooftop bar. In short, you really can’t go wrong here — one of my favorite places in town.

Union’s Latin-focused spinoff La Cosecha just opened in the past year or two and has several excellent options as well, a mere block or two away. There’s former Union jewel ArepaZone (now christened Mosaico, but still slinging their outstanding arepas — get the pabellon (ropa vieja, black beans, and plantains) or pernil (carnitas, tomato, and cheese)), La Casita‘s pupusas, and Las Gemelas‘ tacos that are worth your while. Or grab some pies at Stellina Pizzeria if you’re looking for Italian — the piccante (sausage, soppressata, and n’duja), the affumicata (smoked cheese, smoked tomatoes, and speck), or the bersagliera (stracciatella, walnut pesto, bresaola, and honey) are all excellent.

Across town you’ve got Roost, which is the newest to the mix, but sports some great options (the beer list at Shelter is almost worth the trip alone) and a nice outside patio to sample them all from. Red Apron‘s here, too (try their special burger, which has previously had a caramelized bourbon onion jam, runny egg, and bacon on top, or their ridiculous poutine options), Hi/Fi’s tacos are fantastic (the orange soda braised carnitas tacos and the old school ground beef and pico hard shell ones are both bangers), and the brunch specials are usually pretty solid as well (Red Apron does a wagyu pastrami hash that’s pretty phenomenal, and Leni‘s speck, egg, and cheese sandwich on brioche is always great).

Sandwiches: DC’s got a pretty strong sandwich game, too, which used to be ruled by former giant Taylor, thankfully now resurrected as the less ubiquitous (but no less excellent) Grazie Grazie by the old owner. I’d always order several sandwiches to slowly eat throughout the week when I went here (which I did quite frequently), so you can’t really go wrong — favorites include the Minelli (think a spicier version of an Italian with oven-roasted tomatoes and a killer aioli), the Rizzo (now called the Retzo after the namesake dog left town — breaded chicken, lemon ricotta, prosciutto, and hot honey), the Marathon (a caprese salad meets turkey and prosciutto), the Nonna (their meatball, which battles Red Apron’s for my favorite in town),  and the Cibo (chicken salad, bacon, and avocado). Top it off with their seasonal risotto balls, a fresh cookie (I like the toffee and white chocolate one), and a bottomless glass of cream soda — you won’t be sorry.

Other solid options include Sundevich — I always liked the Istanbul (ground beef, onions, tomato, and tzatziki), the Havana, and the Mexico City (scrambled eggs, ham, avocado, and chipotle butter) — Bub and Pop’s (try their Italian, their brisket, or their roast pork sandwiches), the Yardie from Po Boy Jim’s (jerk chicken and slaw — be sure to get extra sauce), the Capri on a hard roll from the Italian Store (don’t forget to pickup a pack of Berger cookies while you’re there), or the Nattitude (pastrami, mustard, and cheese) on everything from Bullfrog Bagels.

Sweets: similar to the previous category, it’s largely dominated by a single spot — in this case Buttercream — where you should try anything/everything you can get your hands on. The cinnascones are faves, as are the chocolate peanut butter bars, the S’mores bars, most of their cupcakes, the unicorn bars….etc etc etc. Their cakes are actually quite good, too, and worth a special order. Speaking of cakes, you’re not going to do any better than the incredibly creative/beautiful (and actually tasty!) offerings from Cakes by Gene. He’s custom-order only, but as you can tell by his page on the ‘Gram they’re beyond worth it — he also does holiday boxes with cookies, cupcakes, cake pops, and other assorted treats, so keep your eyes peeled for those as well. Smaller, more singular offerings of note in this category include the dat-o’s (think moonpies) from Bayou Bakery (their muffaletta ain’t bad either) and the Bethlehem bar from Union Kitchen.

Beer: DC may not pack quite as much punch as some of their regional brethren (ie the bounty of beers from down in Richmond, for ex, which are perpetually buzzed about — rightfully so), but there are a couple that are home run hitters I’d gladly put in my everyday lineup. First and foremost among them, the juggernaut that is Bluejacket — they’ve got a constantly rotating assortment of styles that they brew onsite, everything from stouts and porters to trendy sours and hazy IPAs, and I’ve honestly almost never had anything that wasn’t really good, if not downright outstanding from them. Go see what they’re slinging down in Navy Yard (their converted warehouse space is fantastic and they have good food to boot so it’s a great place to kill a couple hours.) Next best in town are the OGs at 3 Stars who firmly cemented their greatness years ago with their flagship peppercorn saison (remains one of my top favorites) and pecan porter, before branching out to barrel-aged offerings and specialty sours. They can be a little more hit or miss, but land consistently enough on the front end of that equation so are definitely worth visiting at their newly renovated/expanded space. (They’ve always got functions going on the weekends with food trucks and/or music so are an easy bet for something worth your time.) Also solid is upstart Red Bear (walking distance from Union/Cosecha), which has a range of really good styles on tap and some tasty eats to boot (big fan of the namesake burger and pretzels with beer cheese).

Shifting from the creators to the purveyors, the mecca in this arena is undoubtedly Church Key, whose enormous tap list of hard to find and rare internationals is perpetually top notch. (They also do cool things like beer classes where you get to watch/attend style-specific lectures while tasting a bunch of examples, so is worth keeping your eyes peeled if you live in the area.) Brick Skellar (now Bier Baron) is the formerly undisputed king, whose bottle and can list was notoriously expansive (think the Cheesecake Factory for suds) but equally as known for only having a fraction of those in stock (it was almost a game to see how many things you could order before they finally told you “oh yeah, we’ve got that!”) Outdoor options include the outstanding patio at Biergarten Haus with its enormous steins of rare German imports (they’ve got solid sausages and schnitzel and it’s also a great place to watch a soccer game) or the smaller spread at Dacha with its boots of beer (the original, though the riverfront location’s not bad either). And if you’re in the market for the mother of all beer festivals, mark your calendars for when Snallygaster is coming and make sure you spring for the VIP access — you’ll get first crack at oodles of ultra-rare options before the public’s let in and it’s consistently one of the best days of the year. (And this isn’t beer related, but FWIW Green Hat distillery makes hands down the best gin I’ve ever tasted — anywhere — so do yourself a favor and pick up a couple bottles for the road. This is sipping gin, it’s that good/flavorful…)

Music: unsurprisingly for those of you who paid any attention to the main page’s contents before moseying on in here, I spent a ton of time going to shows before the pandemic and the two best spots in town have long been 9:30 Club and the Black Cat (my favorite place to be in the entire city — I spent many, many happy hours dancing on stage in the old back room (#RIPDDPs) and/or drinking at the bar in the red room, let alone at the scads of killer shows I subsequently saw upstairs). The new crown jewel is Anthem, the massive room on the waterfront from the owners of 9:30. There was a significant amount of stress in the music scene over whether the sound there would suck and/or it meant the demise of the smaller, seedier parent room, but thankfully both proved to be unwarranted as they did an amazing job with it. The sound is pristine, there’s better eyelines for the shorter folks in the crowd, and just more room in general to spread out and enjoy the shows — worth seeing whatever you can at either of the three.

Globetrotting: one of the few positive things people will say about DC is that because hardly no one is from there, it ends up being this eclectic melting pot and that’s largely true — there’s a wide array of international options available to cater to almost any of your cravings. (I still miss the hole in the wall Sudanese joint that used to make some killer homestyle plates before closing a few years back…) As a result, dust off your passports and hopscotch around some of these highlights — some of the best Peruvian style chicken in town comes from District Rico (great plantains and yuca are standard, but don’t overlook the killer spinach and potatoes side when you order), Zorba’s has a solid spread of Greek classics (I always loved the arnaki with manestra (lamb with tomato orzo), but their spanakopita, souvlaki, and gyros were also good (and their fresh dinner rolls were always worth the carbs)), and Boqueria has a really nice Spanish style tapas menu (the dates, pan con tomate, boquerones, and pulpo were always tasty).

Ben’s Chili Bowl has the city’s trademark chili-drenched half smokes that’re definitely worth the possible heartburn (grab a slice of cake too while you’re at it) while Granville Moore’s remains a longtime fave (and miracle save from COVID-induced bankruptcy) with its killer Belgian beer selections that pair perfectly with its stellar slew of moules and frites (among the best fries in the city — get several dipping sauces to splash around in. I’m a fan of the horseradish and the truffle mayo.) They’ve got a good brunch menu, too, with the corned beef hash and runny egg to get you going, or pop over to Queen Vic’s for their excellent full English breakfast instead. (Or a pint or two later to watch soccer or football while you digest.) Big Board has some solid burgers and local beers on tap (I always loved the Chicago Fire – not just because of where it pays homage to (#GPOE!) but because the balance of heat from the mango habanero salsa, pepperjack cheese, and chipotle aioli always played well with the fried pickles I’d get on the side. The Quebec City (think poutine on a burger) and the Burg-aire au Poivre (pepper sauce and cognac cream) were strong alternates.)

Bistro du Coin covers the French angle flawlessly, making you feel like you’re at a cozy spot in Paris and not a busy, characterless corner of Dupont (their escargot, mussels, steak au poivre, and cassoulet were constant highlights), Moby Dick is a no frills Iranian kebab shop whose simplicity belies its succulence (the chicken e joojeh was the mouthwatering go to, which comes with enormous flatbread and raita, but don’t overlook their daily specials as you can often snag a rare regional treat), while Pupatella and Pizzeria Paradiso are two more pie shops worth a visit if that fits your mood (the Diavola (spicy salami, mozz, and basil) and Caivano (sausage, pepperoni, bacon, and smoked mozz) are solid from the former, while the Atomica (salami, kalamata olives) and Bottarga (garlic, runny egg, shaved bottarga) are clutch from the latter (and their seasonal pies and extensive beer list are also fantastic, so worth several spins).  In terms of tacos, Chupacabra has solid ropa vieja and lechon offerings (also tasty in bowl/sandwich formats) and their yuca with chicharrones (more like masitas vs the cracklin-style chicharrones) are equally good (order double mojo sauce to dip everything in), Sol has good carnitas and chorizo tacos, while El Centro‘s pastor tacos are pretty solid as well.

Toki Underground used to have my favorite bowl of ramen in the city (the abura tsukemen was borderline perfection back in the day), but still has several quality offerings and the fried chicken steam buns are on point (get a Toki Monster cocktail to wash it all down), Dukem has a bounty of classic Ethiopian options (love the doro wot, awazie tibs, kitfo, and asa offerings), and Oohs and Ahs has some slamming soul food (and gigantic portions — loved getting enough catfish, collards, and yams to last for three days). Meanwhile Martin’s Tavern has a slew of old American classics to fill you up — Brunswick stew, oyster stew, crab cakes, and a solid burger to boot, along with killer corned beef hash on the weekend (or chipped beef, aka sh#$ on a shingle, if you’re feeling extra frisky). It’s a great place to soak up some history — every president since Eisenhower has eaten there, Kennedy proposed to Jackie O there, and it’s the oldest continually run spot in all of DC — while enjoying a perfectly poured pint of Guinness. (Be sure to say hi to Billy when you’re there!)

For BBQ you’ve got the long-running Rocklands whose pulled pork is solid (get the corn pudding as a side and don’t forget to ask for the grilled onions — wash it all down with a sweet tea), while newcomer Texas Jack’s is an across the board winner and worth a trip to the burbs (great sides, pulled pork, and sausage, and their Flintstones-style beef short rib will melt your brain a little). While you’re out there Masala Express has some really good Indian offerings (loved their palak paneer and their pappadums), while Rasika has some tasty (albeit overpriced) options back in town.  Before you head back across the bridge score some more meats and malts (aka beer) on the patio at Lyon Hall (solid sausage and beer selection) before walking it all off with some delicious empanadas from Julia’s (the Chilean and the saltenas were my perpetual post-bar walk home food and part of me still craves them as the clock ticks towards the early morning hours). Depending on the time of day you can cool your heels watching a soccer game at Lucky Bar (watching Cup games or clasicos here are among my favorite memories over the years — packed, highly partisan, and unforgettable) or explore the seedier side at Dan’s Cafe to close things out, one of my favorite dive bars in town now that Ike’s and the red room are gone. (You know it’s a solid joint when you buy squeeze bottles of booze to go with your can of Coke/Sprite and a bucket of ice.)

Things to Do to Earn Your Next Meal (aka Sightseeing): even though most folks aren’t from DC, that doesn’t mean it isn’t always packed with tourists, and some of what draws them is worth exploring yourself if you haven’t already. As noted earlier, DC could fu#$ up a free lunch, but thankfully they didn’t screw up the massive renovation to the waterfront completed in recent years — aside from housing several of the previously mentioned locations (Grazie Grazie, Anthem), there’s a bunch of other spots to pop in and out of and just people watch as you work your way along the water. The cherry blossoms are probably the best known reason to come to DC and it’s totally worth it in spite of the crowds — the trees look (and smell) amazing and they line multiple sections of the river so you don’t have to cram into the same space with thousands of other visitors to get plenty of frame-worthy shots.

If you come off season, there’s no need to worry — there’s plenty of monuments that are worth checking out, from the Washington and Lincoln to my personal fave Jefferson, they’re all relatively close to each other so you can hit em all (plus WWII, Vietnam, MLK, etc) Planning in advance to get a tour of the White House and/or Capitol are also worth doing, so you can see where oodles of history has happened over the years (from inaugurations to failed insurrections spontaneous tours that just get a little out of hand) and then there’s the dozens of Smithsonians that are available for you to visit FOR FREE (air and space is a must see). If that’s not enough exercise for you, biking/walking along Rock Creek Park is a lovely way to avoid the crowds, or heading over to the harbor to see The Awakening (aka the perfect depiction to my time in DC).