Since the insomnia is ripping me up lately (today it decided to get me up at 2 instead of the customary 4 or 5 — such a treat!) thought I’d pop in with some one offs now that we cleared the reading backlog last week. And since my brain has next to no charge left and is flirting with the edges of delirium, you know what that means — time for everyone’s favorite game, sonic speed dating! Oddly enough, it’s been almost exactly a year since we did this the last time (is insomnia some weird annual holiday?), so strap on your finest face mask, dust off your least cheesy anecdote or line, and get ready for battle — it’s Sunshine Speed Dating!
DING! “Well hello there — I recognize you, Mr Gallagher, pleasure to see you! I’ve gotta say, I used to be an ENORMOUS Oasis fan back in high school. Yeah yeah, I know, so was the rest of the world. Wasn’t saying it to try and be cool, just wanted you to know I like your music. Even quite like your recent project, with those high flying birds — quite cinematic sounding. I gotta say though, aren’t all birds high flying more or less? You know, cuz otherwise they’d be hitting buildings or on the ground (aka not flying). What’s that? Fu#$ right off? Ok, ok, sorry — roger that.
I like your latest song, though — “We’re Gonna Get There in the End.” Very positive and motivational — I’m sure your brother’s going to make fun of you for being “soft” again or whatever for it, but it’s quite a nice thought in these trying times. What’s that? F#$k off again? No I was defending you — it’s nice! He just seems cranky a lot — maybe he’s not getting enough fiber? Speaking of fiber — remember all those times your brother called you a potato? What? — actually, nevermind, I know what you said…”
DING! “Speaking of brothers who can’t stand each other — hi Mr Robinson, good to see you! What the heck have YOU been up to lately? Are you still doing that don’t-call-it-the-Black Crowes band, As the Crow Flies? Your brother’s got one of those, too, I think, right? The Magpie Salute? Even got a bird in the name and everything! Man it’s a real bummer you two can’t stand each other, y’all were pretty good back in the day. What’s that? Oh yes, I’m sure your recent stuff is good too — I just haven’t been able to keep up, what with the pandemic and everything. Yes I know that’s only been for the past year and you guys broke up years ago.
Aaaaaaaanyway…..It’s cool you’re releasing that old Crowes song “Charming Mess” to sort of commemorate the 20th anniversary of Money Maker. Really takes you back — I almost expected you to drop a “prettylittathanglemmelightchacandle” or two in there, just for old time’s sake. What’s that? You’ve evolved as an artist and that was just one of your many songs? I know, I know — it’s just such a GOOD one though. Would have totally fit in! “CuuuuzamommaI’mjustacharminglittlemeeeess!” Maybe try it next time you sing it, see how it feels. What’s that? Ha Noel Gallagher literally just told me the same thing — twice!”
DING! “My, that’s quite a hat you have there, Mr Meek! It kind of reminds me of those enormous Ranger Rick hats Pharrell was wearing a few years ago. Remember those? I wonder if he’s still wearing those — do you know? Oh sorry, yeah I guess you wouldn’t necessarily know — I just thought maybe y’all had to buy your stuff from the same shopkeeper, along with nickel candies and tinctures for whooping cough. I’m just kidding — it looks fine.
Anyway, I’ve liked a couple songs off your new album, including this latest one “Candle.” Has anyone ever told you you kind of sound like that Clem Snide guy? I really liked some of their early stuff. They sang a song about bread. Did the theme song for that show Ed, too — remember that one, with the bowling alley lawyer?! I loved that show — pretty weird, but sweet. The early aughts were a strange time — we thought the clocks on our computers were going to shut society down for months when they flipped to 00! Remember that? Little did we know not wearing masks and staying in your house would do that 20 years later — if only we had to worry about bowling alley lawyers and killer clocks! Oh man — we aaaaaaaare IDIOTS! Anyway, good to meet ya, Mr Buck — good luck with that hat!”
DING! ” Hello there, Mr Massive! (Or is it Mister Attack?) I’m sorry, this is embarrassing. Yes I know that’s not really your name, I just can’t remember what it actually is. Hey remember when that guy thought Apple was run by a dude named Tim Apple? That was hilarious. ‘Mr Apple, I’d like you to meet my friends, Bob Ferrari and Steve Google. And over there are Susan Facebook and Wendy McDonald’s — they’re the tops!’ Ha yeah — he WAS the president! How insane was that!?
Anyway — I really dig the reinterpreted version of the Gang of Four song you just put out, ‘Where the Nightingale Sings.’ Really cool sounding, as always. I bet that guy would think each of the dudes in the band were brothers and their last name was Four. ‘Wait a second — there’s four of you AND your last name is Four?! Dave, Jon, Hugo, and Andy, the four Four brothers! What a coincidence — I’d start a gang too!’ Anyway, really hope you guys get together for a new album soon — I love your old stuff. I used to put “Inertia Creeps” on at last call at the bar all the time. Was cool to watch people slowly get sucked in as they paired off or drunkenly shuffled out the door. Always fun to watch — such a great song. Anyway, good luck out there — hope to hear from you soon!”
DING! “Hi Mr Gallo! You’re looking quite striking in those bright white overalls. You know, you’re right — they’re fashionable AND functional! So much storage room in those pockets. I actually used to get sh#$ from people about wearing cargo short to festivals, so don’t let people get you down — they’re really the most functional thing you could wear. Lets you keep everything you need right by your side while keeping your hands free for any clapping or fights you may need to break up. Maybe scarfing down a corn dog or two if you’re in the mood. What’s that? You think they’re horrifyingly outre and wouldn’t be caught dead in them?! Well that seems a bit judgy coming from a guy looking like a scrawny farmer.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know I really liked your first album — I saw you play it live at Lolla that year. You played your guitar with a fire extinguisher! That was pretty cool. Totally unnecessary, but kind of fun. What’s that? Yes of course I had cargos on at the show. What? Why do you think it was me? No, I don’t move very much at shows, but I highly doubt it was me. Yes, tank top and bandana. Tattoos, yep. But that could describe dozens of people! I have to say, I really don’t appreciate your tone, Mr Gallo, they’re just shorts. I only wear them once a year now. Yes, it’s a rule… Anyway, the new remix you put out by Caroline Rose, ‘You Are Enough’ is cool. Kinda reminds me of Massive Attack a little. Yeah he was just here. For the record, he was way nicer than you….”
DING! “Oh hello — don’t think I’ve seen you here before. What’s your name? Lewsberg, eh? Sounds like a coal mining town in West Virginia. Where are you from? The NETHERlands, eh? That’s so cool! The land of clogs and chocolates. Windmills and weed! And consonants — holy heck you guys got a lot of those. I remember trying to find my way around there before smartphones and the internet and getting lost in a sea of 26-character street names while dodging trams, bikes, and public urinals. It was a wild time. But fun! Ah, to be young again…
Anyway, has anyone ever told you you guys sound a LOT like the Velvets? It’s not a knock, I love those guys so it’s cool to hear a new band reinterpreting them. You can almost picture it playing in some seedy red light district as someone shoots up in the alley — just like New York back in the day! Yes I know that was a sad chapter in that city’s history. They’re doing much better now, it’s ok. Hey have you guys ever been to your red light district? I remember walking through there and feeling like an out of place hayseed — yes, kind of like Mr Gallo with those overalls! You get it. Some things are just universal — like cargo shorts! What’s that? Well I could certainly live without the judgment from you guys — I only wear them once a year now. At most!”
DING! “Why hello — second first-timer in a row! What’s your name? Chad VanGaalen — well pleased to meet you! That sounds Dutch — you know that’s where those last guys were from? Oh really — you’re from Canada? That’s nice, it’s so lovely up there! Hey do you know those guys from Barenaked Ladies? I only ask because that song came on at the store this morning and I still can’t get it out of my head. I’m hoping there’s a pill. “Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’sBEEEEEEEEEEEEN!” Oh sorry — got you too, eh? Happens every time. Only need to hear that tiny phrase and you’re done. My buddy and I head farm each other with that and that Smashmouth song all the time just to fu#$ with each other. “soooooooooooomeBODY!” Ugh sorry — got ya twice, huh? That’s my bad.
Anyway, just wanted to say I found you by chance recently and really liked some of the stuff off your last album, Light Information. Kind of has a late 90s/early 00s Flaming Lips vibe to me. Trippy lyrics, kinda out there. It works though. “Old Heads,” “Faces Lit,” “Pines and Clover” — all good tunes. I really liked “Friendly Aliens,” too. You know who else talks about aliens and the paranormal — BNL! “Watching X-Files with no lights on, we’re dans la maison, I hope the Smoking Man’s in this one!” Honestly — do you know how I can get in touch with them? Last time this got stuck in my head it took three weeks before I could think straight again…”
DING! “Hello Mr Moore — you know, this evening is really for the birds. Get it? Cuz your band is named Bowerbirds and there are so many other people here with bird-related offerings today? Mr Gallagher, Mr Robinson, Mister Attack’s song — even that guy with the hat comes close. I screwed up his name the first time and almost called him Muck Beek. Muck Beak. Beak. Chirp chirp! Ha ha! What? Sorry — christ I’m tired. I really need a nap…
Anyway — it’s good to see you again. I lost the bead on you guys for a while, but really liked your debut (“In Our Talons” is still an outstanding song, btw) and was glad to hear you were coming back with new stuff. I liked the first single “Endless Chase” and really like this one, too. “Moon Phase.” Hey did you see we landed on Mars last week? How cool is that?! Fricking rovers and drones zipping around on the red planet — before long it’ll be just like that old Arnold movie! What’s that? Yeah that Kuato thing was deeply disturbing — took me almost as long to get that out of my head as that Barenaked Ladies song. “Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’sBEEEEEEEEEEEEN!” What? Yah sorry, that’s my bad. I just can’t get it out of my head — did you see where that guy Chad went to? Maybe he’s heard back from them…”
DING! “Hi there Mr Oberst, good to see you again! Really loved the last album — it made my year end list! What’s that? No, it’s not a major award. No, not very many people read the blog, basically just a few of my friends and family. Why not all of them? I don’t know, you’d have to ask them — maybe they’re busy! Anyway, I think it’s important and don’t let any band onto the list, so just wanted to give you a compliment. Sorry I brought it up…
Anyway…I like the new cover you did, “Flirted With You All My Life.” I never really got into Vic Chestnutt, but know how popular he is with musicians. Sort of like Daniel Johnston — I like some of the other covers folks have done, but I’ve never been blown away listening to him on his own. Maybe this is the same type of deal. Your version is just so stately and pretty compared to the original, and I loved the harmonies you worked in there — I feel like it really makes the song shine. What’s that? Ha — yeah, maybe you’ll end up on my year-end list again. I’ll be sure to mail you a certificate this time, just so you’ll know it’s important. [grumblegrumblegrumble….]”
DING! “Hi Mr Gonzalez, great to see you again! I LOVE your stuff, it’s so pretty and relaxing. Your first two albums are absolute favorites of mine. You know that guy whose song you covered, “Teardrop,” is here? Mr Massive! Nice guy. He’s working with the Four brothers now. What’s that? Yes I know you released a third album. It was…..fine — nothing wrong with it, just felt a little more from your head than your heart like the first two. I still liked some of the tracks, though, and go see you whenever you tour. Yeah, remember concerts? I REALLY miss those. This is the longest I haven’t been to one since HIGH SCHOOL! (Which I know you probably think was five, maybe ten years ago max, but is actually a lot closer to 30 than I’d like to admit.) Whatever — it’s not how old you are, it’s how old you feel, right? What’s that? You think I look old enough to have gone to school that long ago, maybe longer? That’s….that’s hurtful Mr Gonzalez, I feel like you’re trying to get back at me for not liking your third album as much as the others. “Let it Carry You” and “Leaf Off” were nice tracks!
Anyway, I like the new song too, “El Invento.” Not gonna lie to you, it took me a minute to realize it was in another language. I’m not sure if you heard me talking to the others, but I’m REALLY tired right now — I thought I was having a stroke for a second! So glad to realize it was just Spanish… Well, just wanted you to know I really love your stuff and hope you’ve got more material on the way. What’s that? Oh cmon — not everyone’s going to like every album the same, Mr Gonzalez. I even like your side project stuff, give me a break!”
DING! “Oh hi guys, haven’t seen you in a while either — the LORDS of HURON! Such a regal sounding name. Your stuff is always so pretty, it always makes me want to lie down on the floor, just to soak it all in and maybe drift off to sleep. I did that once at a festival you were at and it didn’t go great — got stepped on a bunch and someone made fun of my shorts. What’s that? Alright seriously, there is NOTHING WRONG with cargo shorts, guys. Did you see Gallo walking around in those bright white overalls? Maybe go give him a little sh#$ since you’ve got so much to spare. Geezus…
ANYway. The new song from the upcoming album is really nice — “Not Dead Yet.” A slightly different message than Mr Gallagher’s song, say, but still a positive nod towards perseverance. Excited to hear what else is on the album. I’m not gonna lie, I watched the video and got worried for a second that something was wrong with my eyes. I don’t know if you heard me talking to Mr Gonzalez, but I’m running on like NO sleep right now. Thought I was starting to hallucinate when I couldn’t make out your faces. You know what, even though this is a bit more uptempo than your normal stuff, I think I’m still going to lie down just the same…..just for a second……it’s something about your voice, it’s so relaxing…..really starting to feel it now….
DING! “Hey! What are you doing down here, Mr Berninger?! Were you listening to that Lord Huron song as well? What? Oh ha — just had a little too much merlot and getting sleepy, eh? Well that’s ok, a good wine nap on the weekend is ALWAYS enjoyable. So warm and cozy…
Hey I really liked your solo album and LOVE your band, you’re one of my faves. My social media lady Oddge really likes you guys, too. The latest extra you released from the former is really pretty, “Let it Be.” Sounds just like the other stuff on the album — in a good way, not in a “man this is repetitive” sense. Definitely not trying to insult you — ha! You should have seen how upset the last guy got when I said I didn’t love his last album — he said I look old! What’s that? YOUR guys’ last album? Um…I mean….it was……..did I say how much I liked your solo album? It made my year end list! Same with most of your other ones! What’s that? No, no it’s not a major award. No, nobody reads my blog. You know what — forget it. I’ll send you a frigging certificate like Oberst next time…
DING DING DING!
That’s it for now, my friends — hang in there, we’re maybe getting to the end of this thing. In the meantime, stay safe, stay sane, and stay separate…
–BS